This week has been a very long week.
I took some time off this week to be with my boyfriend and his family as they grieved the loss of his grandfather.
I've also had a lot of my own emotions from my own past come up for me these past few weeks.
Memories, lucid dreams of my childhood and heart breaking sadness. I'm remembering vivid details, as if I'm going through these emotions and experiencing them right now in present day.
This is part of my own healing work I do, and something that I know I must go through.
It's been just over a year now that I realized I'm a hyper empath - with the ability to feel and sense emotions, feelings and intuitions in others. I've always been highly sensitive to pain in others. I just never realized it before.
I went through life up until I was 34 believing that everyone just felt the way I feel, and that everyone just had this ability.
I thought this was normal.
Because it's always been my normal.
I've always been very attuned to others emotions.
Especially when they're going through profound sadness.
I can feel this sadness as if it's in my own body; my own feelings. I have intuitions about their thoughts and what they're going through and I can feel how heart breaking it is. And my heart breaks too. It's so much weight for them to hold.
I don't wish this ability I have on anyone, because it's too much to bear sometimes.
But I don't wish I was any different either.
Sometimes I lay awake at night remembering, grieving and mourning their profound sadness.
And sometimes it's just easier to close myself off and push these emotions away, deep down so that I don't have to feel their heart break.
But I remember for years and years afterward, and when I'm finally ready, I steady myself against all those emotions that come bubbling up and bursting out of me, and I experience the heart ripping pain as if I'm going through it for the first time again.
I've always been asking why this happens to me and for me. Whether I'm asking in my prayers, in my meditations, or in the intuitive center of myself.
And the answer is I don't know exactly. I don't have to know.
It's hard to surrender and release the idea of knowing how or why things happen as they do, or how or why they affect you like they do. They just do. And you learn from them, and you process them, and you move forward.
Now, I use these abilities I've been given to serve others and heal others.
To heal you. To help you process what needs to be processed. To help you move forward - so that you can move forward.
You just have to be ready to take that journey with me.