I'm sure you have. I sure as hell have.
You've thought about how your day will go, what you'll get done at work, you've thought about how a certain date would play out.
And then the event or whatever it is comes and goes. You live it. And it's not what you expected it to be. It's not what you wanted. Maybe even the details of the event played out how you imagined them to, or wished them to, but something wasn't right.
You didn't feel how you wanted to feel.
Take out a journal, or a pen and a piece of paper...now write down:
How did you want it to feel or expect it to feel?
What did you feel instead?
How did you see yourself living out the event in comparison to what actually happened?
What was the same? What was different?
Over the past few years I've gotten really good at envisioning what I want to play out in my life. And for a long time before that I always daydreamed, as I'm sure you have too.
What's changed for me though with time is that I've come to realize that through this envisioning, day dreaming, pre-planning, etc., I always knew the details, I always knew what I wanted to happen but I totally dismissed how I actually wanted to feel while I was living my life.
So events would come to pass, or I would achieve a certain goal, and something just felt off. Like yep, this is what I wanted, but I didn't want to feel this way. Or, another example, you get to have a nice relaxing weekend at home - no errands, no social events, just two days of unplanned laziness...and then something someone says or does throws you off and you end up angry and frustrated all weekend, and sure, the actual day is relaxing...but you can't seem to let go of the frustration and the anger...and then your just angry at yourself and frustrated at yourself for feeling that way and ruining said relaxing weekend - not that I'm giving you a personal example here or anything ;)
Or you feel anxious all weekend because you're relaxing...when you feel like you should be working working working working, always working.
It happens to everyone.
What I can take away from that, and what you can take from that is actually quite simple.
It's about creating intentions and intending what you want to feel in a given situation. How helpful is it to feel angry all weekend when you're really wanting to relax, and enjoy some solitude? Not very.
What you can do though, whilst your replaying every exchange of words over and over in your head is get clear on what you want to feel instead.
Now....Write that shit out.
And then take some time to sit, maybe meditate, and make the choice for yourself to feel the way you want to feel. Remember how you want to feel, and being in that intention of how you want to feel into your mind, instead of the anger or the frustration, or the anxiety, etc. And from there, make the shift to a place of living from that new intended feeling.
Sounds super easy right? It's not.
It will take some practice and you will have to remind yourself often, and maybe be a little patient with yourself as you learn how to do this. BUT IT IS WORTH IT!!
Next time you find yourself disconnected to the outcome of an intended situation, sit down and write it out - How did you want to feel instead?
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